My stomach stared at the piece of chocolate cake before me. My hands waved away Josh’s offer. “...” “...” Short term memories of me gulping down the main course punched and turned my stomach. “...” My tongue longed for that cake. “...” I thought for a moment maybe I could. “...” I could just have half of a slice. But, my stomach protested. “...” “...” My lips, parted from exhaustion, sank into a frown. My eyes met Josh’s wounded generous stare. “...” He didn’t know what strength it took to turn him down. “...” My eyes looked again at the cake. “...” In vain, my tongue battled my stomach. “...” I sighed. “...” My eyes met Josh’s again and I took the cake from his hands. “...” I wanted him to know. “...” My close-mouthed face impacted the cake and was immediately covered in frosting. My eyes met Josh’s again. “...” Josh seemed shocked. “...” I shook my head. “...” “...” I asked. “...” My hands abandoned the cake in Josh’s hands. My eyes averted the aftermath. “...” As Josh departed my arm took his shoulder. “...” Our eyes met again. “...” “...” I looked away in tears.
This is really clever, Colin. I could relate to the "conversation" I have with myself when encountering a decision to eat something sweet. Of course, I am more intrigued with this backstory between the narrator and Josh...
When I read this prompt I automatically took on the cliche topic of the friendzone. Sorry I'm not so creative...
I looked at her and she went on and on about her day and all the wonderful things that happened to her. I looked at her hands as they mimicked her speech and then glazed over her face, so animated and completely enthralled to be telling me about whatever subject she was on now. She turned me to me. I mumbled something, not even sure what but glad to hear her continue on with whatever she was saying and to just relax to the lulling sound of her voice. She put her hand on mine, for confirmation maybe? I nodded as I tried to regain my breath and not turn bright tomato, which I usually do when she touches me. She was talking about her friends now. Friends. She brushed her hair back as she droned on and my eyes followed her hand, she had called me last night while she put the blue shade on her nails, my favorite. I think its called cobalt. Her voice continued, the pitches carrying on and on in the gentle spring breeze. Everything’s perfect. She’s perfect. Suddenly he came up behind her, his dreaded hand on her perfect waste. He said something, and she responded and laughed. I excused myself. Now he was listening to her gentle voice and she talked about her day and her friends. Friends. Just friends.
Waist**** I should really proofread my work! But thank you Colin, I was slightly confused reading your submission and the plain omission just confused me, so I didn't want to do that :p
Katie, I think this topic works perfectly with this prompt. When someone is in the "friendzone," there's so much they want to say, but can't. Reading other people's actions and reactions is so telling in this situation.
John sat, exasperated, exhausted, isolated on the bench above the bustling bunch of business. Jane stood, a few tracks away, unaffected by the clash of careless characters. All he wanted was to get to work on time. All she wanted was to get to work on time. And a bagel with sesame seeds and cream cheese. He looked up. She looked up. He saw her. She saw an advertisement for a new store opening on a billboard. He fell in love. She got impatient. He checked his teeth in the adjacent, glossy, metal light pole. She checked her watch. He tried to wave to her. She tried to swat away a fly. He stood up. She sat down on a bench. He ran down the stairs. She got excited. He ran towards the other stairs. She stood up. He reached the top. She reached her seat in the steaming train, already conjoined in the clash of careless characters. He sat, exasperated, exhausted, isolated on the bench above the bustling bunch of business.
(honestly, this isn't exactly what i wanted it to say, but my original got deleted because my battery died just as i finished. i tried to remember most of it, but i think i messed up a sentence or two.)
The Silent Monologue of Satiated Guest
ReplyDeleteMy stomach stared at the piece of chocolate cake before me.
My hands waved away Josh’s offer. “...”
“...” Short term memories of me gulping down the main course punched and turned my stomach.
“...” My tongue longed for that cake.
“...” I thought for a moment maybe I could.
“...” I could just have half of a slice.
But, my stomach protested. “...”
“...” My lips, parted from exhaustion, sank into a frown.
My eyes met Josh’s wounded generous stare. “...”
He didn’t know what strength it took to turn him down. “...”
My eyes looked again at the cake. “...”
In vain, my tongue battled my stomach. “...”
I sighed. “...”
My eyes met Josh’s again and I took the cake from his hands. “...”
I wanted him to know. “...”
My close-mouthed face impacted the cake and was immediately covered in frosting.
My eyes met Josh’s again. “...”
Josh seemed shocked. “...”
I shook my head. “...”
“...” I asked.
“...” My hands abandoned the cake in Josh’s hands.
My eyes averted the aftermath. “...”
As Josh departed my arm took his shoulder. “...”
Our eyes met again. “...”
“...” I looked away in tears.
This is really clever, Colin. I could relate to the "conversation" I have with myself when encountering a decision to eat something sweet. Of course, I am more intrigued with this backstory between the narrator and Josh...
DeleteWhen I read this prompt I automatically took on the cliche topic of the friendzone. Sorry I'm not so creative...
ReplyDeleteI looked at her and she went on and on about her day and all the wonderful things that happened to her. I looked at her hands as they mimicked her speech and then glazed over her face, so animated and completely enthralled to be telling me about whatever subject she was on now.
She turned me to me. I mumbled something, not even sure what but glad to hear her continue on with whatever she was saying and to just relax to the lulling sound of her voice. She put her hand on mine, for confirmation maybe? I nodded as I tried to regain my breath and not turn bright tomato, which I usually do when she touches me. She was talking about her friends now. Friends.
She brushed her hair back as she droned on and my eyes followed her hand, she had called me last night while she put the blue shade on her nails, my favorite. I think its called cobalt. Her voice continued, the pitches carrying on and on in the gentle spring breeze. Everything’s perfect. She’s perfect.
Suddenly he came up behind her, his dreaded hand on her perfect waste. He said something, and she responded and laughed. I excused myself.
Now he was listening to her gentle voice and she talked about her day and her friends. Friends. Just friends.
I like this. I'm glad you took a different approach than I did to the lack of dialogue.
DeleteWaist**** I should really proofread my work! But thank you Colin, I was slightly confused reading your submission and the plain omission just confused me, so I didn't want to do that :p
DeleteKatie, I think this topic works perfectly with this prompt. When someone is in the "friendzone," there's so much they want to say, but can't. Reading other people's actions and reactions is so telling in this situation.
DeleteA take on the "so close, yet so far" saying.
ReplyDeleteJohn sat, exasperated, exhausted, isolated on the bench above the bustling bunch of business. Jane stood, a few tracks away, unaffected by the clash of careless characters. All he wanted was to get to work on time. All she wanted was to get to work on time. And a bagel with sesame seeds and cream cheese. He looked up. She looked up. He saw her. She saw an advertisement for a new store opening on a billboard. He fell in love. She got impatient. He checked his teeth in the adjacent, glossy, metal light pole. She checked her watch. He tried to wave to her. She tried to swat away a fly. He stood up. She sat down on a bench. He ran down the stairs. She got excited. He ran towards the other stairs. She stood up. He reached the top. She reached her seat in the steaming train, already conjoined in the clash of careless characters. He sat, exasperated, exhausted, isolated on the bench above the bustling bunch of business.
(honestly, this isn't exactly what i wanted it to say, but my original got deleted because my battery died just as i finished. i tried to remember most of it, but i think i messed up a sentence or two.)