The Literary Magazine of Evergreen Park Community High School
Sunday, March 9, 2014
30 Day Writing Challenge: Prompt #5
Write the same story or poem from first person, third person omniscient, and third person limited points of view (optional: write from second person point of view).
Gene tugged at the collar on his orange, company issued, two size too large shirt. His smile drooped one half a centimeter on the left side of his face. His left hand fingers gripped the bag, inside sat my cheeseburger and large fry. Gene’s hand held the small microphone to his mouth. “Ron.” “Right here.” I took the bag. “Thanks.” “You’re welcome.” His eyes fixed on the bag as he spoke. “Have a good night.” My back pressed against the door as my legs pushed me out of the restaurant. Gene’s shoulders fell from their raised, labored position to a slouched position as he retreated to the kitchen.
Second
You tugged at the collar on your orange, company issued, two size too large shirt. Your smile drooped one half a centimeter on the left side of your face. Your left hand fingers gripped the bag, inside sat my cheeseburger and large fry. Your hand held the small microphone to his mouth. “Ron.” “Right here.” I took the bag. “Thanks.” “You’re welcome.” Your eyes fixed on the bag as you spoke. “Have a good night.” My back pressed against the door as my legs pushed me out of the restaurant. Your shoulders fell from their raised, labored position to a slouched position as you retreated to the kitchen.
Third Omniscient
Gene tugged at the collar on his orange, company issued, two size too large shirt. His smile drooped one half a centimeter on the left side of his face. His left hand fingers gripped the bag, inside sat Ron’s cheeseburger and large fry. Gene’s hand held the small microphone to his mouth. “Ron.” “Right here.” Ron took the bag. “Thanks.” “You’re welcome.” His eyes fixed on the bag as he spoke. “Have a good night.” Ron’s leaned against the door as his legs pushed himself out of the restaurant to his blue car. Gene’s shoulders fell from their raised, labored position to a slouched position as he retreated to the kitchen. Ron glanced at the clock and figured that he had three hours left.
Third Limited
Gene tugged at the collar on his orange, company issued, two size too large shirt. His smile drooped one half a centimeter on the left side of his face. His left hand fingers gripped the bag, inside sat Ron’s cheeseburger and large fry. Gene’s hand held the small microphone to his mouth. “Ron.” “Right here.” Ron took the bag. “Thanks.” “You’re welcome.” His eyes fixed on the bag as he spoke. “Have a good night.” Ron’s back pressed against the door as his legs pushed himself out of the restaurant. Gene’s shoulders fell from their raised, labored position to a slouched position as he retreated to the kitchen. Ron glanced at the clock and figured that he had three hours left.
Colin, would you consider shifting your second person point of view from past tense to present tense? Often time, the combination of present tense verbs along with the second person point of view can make the reader feel as though they are experiencing the events of the story as they unfold.
First My eyes slowly drifted toward the clock. I felt a drip of sweat gently slide down the side of my cheek. "11:15! 11:15?" I thought. "That means that the test has only been going on for 10 minutes. I've got an entire 50 minutes to go!" I thought to myself. My legs shook, and the pencil in my hand could not stand still. I looked down and saw that i had only completed 5 problems. I needed to hurry. Timed passed slowly and I gazed at the clock again. 11:20. Once again I thought "Only 5 minutes since I last checked the clock?" I looked down at my test, I had only completed 10 problems. So I decided to skip around and found a passage I might like. That's when I noticed a passage about baseball. "I'm sure I will enjoy this. Maybe I should just pretend all of the stories are interesting." Time passed and before I knew it, the teacher said "Time is up!" To my surprise I had finished the test. A smile began to appear on my face, and I whispered to myself "So I've cracked the code." Third Omniscient Thomas's eyes slowly drifted toward the clock. He felt a drip of sweat gently slide down the side of his cheek. "11:15! 11:15?" He thought. "That means that the test has only been going on for 10 minutes. I've got an entire 50 minutes to go!" He thought to himself. His legs shook, and the pencil in his hand could not stand still. Thomas looked down and saw that he had only completed 5 problems. He needed to hurry. Timed passed slowly and once again he gazed at the clock. It read 11:20. Once again he thought to himself "Only 5 minutes since I last checked the clock?" Thomas looked down at his test; he had only completed 10 problems. So he decided to skip around and look for a passage he might like. He looked around and found a passage about baseball. "I'm sure I will enjoy this. Maybe I should just pretend all of the stories are interesting" he pondered. Time passed and before he knew it, the teacher said "Time is up!" To his surprise he had finished the test. A smile began to appear across his face, and he whispered to himself "So I've cracked the code." Third Person Limited Thomas's eyes slowly drifted toward the clock. A drip of sweat gently slid down the side of his cheek. The clock read 11:15, which meant that he had been taking the test for 10 minutes. His legs shook, and the pencil in his hand could not stand still. Thomas looked down and saw that he had only completed 5 problems. Timed passed and once again he gazed at the clock. It read 11:20. It had only been 5 minutes since he last checked the clock. Thomas looked down at his test; he had only completed 10 problems. Then he skipped around and looked for a passage he might like. He looked around and found a passage about baseball. His face light up. Timed passed and then the teacher said "Time is up!" He looked up with what seemed to be a surprised expression and a smile began to appear across his face. Thomas gently whispered "So I've cracked the code."
First
ReplyDeleteGene tugged at the collar on his orange, company issued, two size too large shirt. His smile drooped one half a centimeter on the left side of his face. His left hand fingers gripped the bag, inside sat my cheeseburger and large fry.
Gene’s hand held the small microphone to his mouth. “Ron.”
“Right here.” I took the bag. “Thanks.”
“You’re welcome.” His eyes fixed on the bag as he spoke. “Have a good night.”
My back pressed against the door as my legs pushed me out of the restaurant. Gene’s shoulders fell from their raised, labored position to a slouched position as he retreated to the kitchen.
Second
You tugged at the collar on your orange, company issued, two size too large shirt. Your smile drooped one half a centimeter on the left side of your face. Your left hand fingers gripped the bag, inside sat my cheeseburger and large fry.
Your hand held the small microphone to his mouth. “Ron.”
“Right here.” I took the bag. “Thanks.”
“You’re welcome.” Your eyes fixed on the bag as you spoke. “Have a good night.”
My back pressed against the door as my legs pushed me out of the restaurant. Your shoulders fell from their raised, labored position to a slouched position as you retreated to the kitchen.
Third Omniscient
Gene tugged at the collar on his orange, company issued, two size too large shirt. His smile drooped one half a centimeter on the left side of his face. His left hand fingers gripped the bag, inside sat Ron’s cheeseburger and large fry.
Gene’s hand held the small microphone to his mouth. “Ron.”
“Right here.” Ron took the bag. “Thanks.”
“You’re welcome.” His eyes fixed on the bag as he spoke. “Have a good night.”
Ron’s leaned against the door as his legs pushed himself out of the restaurant to his blue car. Gene’s shoulders fell from their raised, labored position to a slouched position as he retreated to the kitchen. Ron glanced at the clock and figured that he had three hours left.
Third Limited
Gene tugged at the collar on his orange, company issued, two size too large shirt. His smile drooped one half a centimeter on the left side of his face. His left hand fingers gripped the bag, inside sat Ron’s cheeseburger and large fry.
Gene’s hand held the small microphone to his mouth. “Ron.”
“Right here.” Ron took the bag. “Thanks.”
“You’re welcome.” His eyes fixed on the bag as he spoke. “Have a good night.”
Ron’s back pressed against the door as his legs pushed himself out of the restaurant. Gene’s shoulders fell from their raised, labored position to a slouched position as he retreated to the kitchen. Ron glanced at the clock and figured that he had three hours left.
Colin, would you consider shifting your second person point of view from past tense to present tense? Often time, the combination of present tense verbs along with the second person point of view can make the reader feel as though they are experiencing the events of the story as they unfold.
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ReplyDeleteFirst
ReplyDeleteMy eyes slowly drifted toward the clock. I felt a drip of sweat gently slide down the side of my cheek. "11:15! 11:15?" I thought. "That means that the test has only been going on for 10 minutes. I've got an entire 50 minutes to go!" I thought to myself. My legs shook, and the pencil in my hand could not stand still. I looked down and saw that i had only completed 5 problems. I needed to hurry. Timed passed slowly and I gazed at the clock again. 11:20. Once again I thought "Only 5 minutes since I last checked the clock?" I looked down at my test, I had only completed 10 problems. So I decided to skip around and found a passage I might like. That's when I noticed a passage about baseball. "I'm sure I will enjoy this. Maybe I should just pretend all of the stories are interesting." Time passed and before I knew it, the teacher said "Time is up!" To my surprise I had finished the test. A smile began to appear on my face, and I whispered to myself "So I've cracked the code."
Third Omniscient
Thomas's eyes slowly drifted toward the clock. He felt a drip of sweat gently slide down the side of his cheek. "11:15! 11:15?" He thought. "That means that the test has only been going on for 10 minutes. I've got an entire 50 minutes to go!" He thought to himself. His legs shook, and the pencil in his hand could not stand still. Thomas looked down and saw that he had only completed 5 problems. He needed to hurry. Timed passed slowly and once again he gazed at the clock. It read 11:20. Once again he thought to himself "Only 5 minutes since I last checked the clock?" Thomas looked down at his test; he had only completed 10 problems. So he decided to skip around and look for a passage he might like. He looked around and found a passage about baseball. "I'm sure I will enjoy this. Maybe I should just pretend all of the stories are interesting" he pondered. Time passed and before he knew it, the teacher said "Time is up!" To his surprise he had finished the test. A smile began to appear across his face, and he whispered to himself "So I've cracked the code."
Third Person Limited
Thomas's eyes slowly drifted toward the clock. A drip of sweat gently slid down the side of his cheek. The clock read 11:15, which meant that he had been taking the test for 10 minutes. His legs shook, and the pencil in his hand could not stand still. Thomas looked down and saw that he had only completed 5 problems. Timed passed and once again he gazed at the clock. It read 11:20. It had only been 5 minutes since he last checked the clock. Thomas looked down at his test; he had only completed 10 problems. Then he skipped around and looked for a passage he might like. He looked around and found a passage about baseball. His face light up. Timed passed and then the teacher said "Time is up!" He looked up with what seemed to be a surprised expression and a smile began to appear across his face. Thomas gently whispered "So I've cracked the code."